SAYING GOODBYE

It is really hard to put into words the experience of leaving my village. In addition to scrambling around to get a lot of last minute things done, pack my bags and tie up loose ends, it has also been filled with lots of emotions and goodbyes to many people who have touched my life.

My goodbyes started off with my last field visit to the rural village. On the first night of my visit, me and Smita (the other MSW social worker) walked several miles to reach the Thakur indigenous tribal community which is located in a very isolated area. On our walk to the village, we discussed the many issues facing this oppressed indigenous community and she further explained to me their history of being subjected and marginalized. I also shared with her that this is similar to the history of Native Americans in the U.S. and we continued to brainstorm about the issues we must be sensitive to when working in this community. During our walk, we met up with some of the tribal women as they were coming back from their work in the fields as laborers. As we walked together, they discussed with us the hardships they encounter as they work in the fields for 12 hours a day while the men in their village are sitting idle at home. When we asked if this bothers them they responded, “Of course it does, but what can we do about it? We have to feed our children and if we don’t do it, no one else will take the responsibility.”

As we entered the small community we made several attempts to gather the women together in a group. We just walked around to each family's hut and asked them to gather outside so we could talk to them. The community was so much more willing to listen and participate this time as opposed to the other times we had visited the village; possibly because they now recognized us and we had established some rapport with them. As Smita and I began the meeting, we explained the concept of the self-help group and how it will financially benefit them in detail. Although they were more open to the concept this time, they continually said, “ok we’ll save the $50 rupees a month but ask one of the Maratha (an upper caste) women to do all the record keeping because we are illiterate and can’t do it. “ We continued on to say that there are ways around illiteracy and this movement has been designed for poor populations who may have little education. We encouraged them to break the cycle of dependency on others and by drawing some reference to their history, explained that their poverty is a product of depending on others for their livelihood; they agreed. Soon after, one of the women asked us if we had come on foot to the village and we replied that we had. Then she asked “How will you get back?” Again, we replied that we will walk back. Then another women exclaimed, “Wow, you walked all this way and will walk back in the dark just to come and tell us about this? If that is the case and you believe in us that much then we owe it to ourselves to give this a try. If we don’t do it now we never will.” And with that, twelve women agreed to join a new self-help group with the full support of their husbands (which is a very important component). They each committed to bringing 50 rupees next week to the meeting.

During our walk back from this community, I thought about the interaction and what made these women come around. I have learned so much in my social work studies about community organizing and different techniques and when theory came to practice, I realized that the most significant piece was showing the community that we care about them through our relationship and showing them they are  valuable through our actions and commitments to them. Seeing that two people that they perceive as being from a totally different world, making so much of an effort, in turn made them feel more valuable and empowered to improve their situations.

When we arrived back at the home of the family I was staying with, I saw that they had arranged a table with some flowers, many gifts and other objects for Hindu blessings. I asked, ‘what is going on?’ and they asked me to sit in the chair. They explained that they want to honor the relationship we have built together as well as wish me a safe journey back home; this ceremony was part of their tradition of doing so. As instructed, I sat down in the chair and each family member, one by one, blessed me by burning incense around my head, putting a dot of kumkum on my forehead, feeding me a spoonful of sugar and sprinkling rice over me. They also each gave me a gift to remember them by, everything from bangles to toe rings to necklaces to pictures frames and statues of gods. The whole time this was going on, all I could think is how grateful I am for this experience and for such wonderful people walking into my life, even though it was only for a brief moment in time. The next day, when several of the families realized it was my last day in the community they invited me over for lunch and made an array of traditional Maharashtran dishes. My host mom told me that she had asked someone to fill in for her to cook at the school so she could spend the last day with me. After lunch they insisted on dressing me in a traditional Maharashtran 9-foot saree (nawari saree) and brought out all of their gold jewelry so I could look like a ‘real Indian girl.’ As we were walking through the village to say goodbyes and running into people we knew along the way, I realize how many connections I have made here in this village in such a short time and the impact each and every person I have come across has had on my life. I will never in my entire life forget the caring and kindness of the families in the village and how much they changed my perspective on to how I see the world. I am forever indebted them.

After some very difficult and tearful goodbyes, I left the village to take my last truck and rickshaw ride back home to my town. As our truck pulled out of the dirt road I looked back to see my host family waving to me from the distance. I kept looking until they disappeared into the background. During the bumpy journey back, I took in the vast spread of lush green farmlands that had I become so accustomed to seeing. I thought about how lucky I am to experience such a different perspective and aspect of life…to actually have this be my life for the last three months. I shared this thought with Smita and she replied to me and said, “Well, yes but you made room in your life to have this experience and YOU made the effort. You integrated yourself in the culture in a way other foreigners don’t and you never considered yourself different then us. You match us and we are just as lucky to have been a part of your life as you are to have been a part of ours.” Although I still was very conscious that my privilege has allowed me to have so many diverse experiences in life, I also realized that my outlook and willingness to be out of my comfort zone and struggle to relate and communicate with people, gave me the biggest reward in the end.

Once I reached home, I entered the guest house to find all of Chaitanya’s staff waiting for me. They informed me that they also are giving me a ‘send off.’ The leaders of the organization each took a few moments to thank me and let me know the ways in which I have contributed to the organization. Hearing about the culmination of my work and receiving some acknowledgement for this was such a wonderful feeling. It made me feel so motivated to complete my report and confident that I had something very valuable to contribute to the organization. In this moment, I realized why it meant so much to the Thakur tribe that we walked to their community. For the same reason that it meant so much to me that Chaitanya had taken time to organize a send off and recognize my work. These interpersonal feelings that show someone that they are important and that others care about them are way more powerful than we often recognize.

After this send off, with some sadness I headed up to my room to finish packing. While I was sitting amidst a pile of things trying to figure out how I was going to fit it all in my luggage, I heard a loud knock. I opened the door to find several of my close friends from the organization saying ‘the party continues!’ They got a cake, non-Indian food (which is hard to find in this village) for dinner and a beautiful shall as a farewell gift that they all put their money together to buy. We ate, laughed, danced and dared each other to do crazy funny things. I felt like a teenager again; having this much fun made me realize the wonderful, genuine friends I have made in my three months in India. During the party, in an activity initiated by my dear friend, we each took some time out to say how we feel about each other and each person’s strengths as well as weakness. Although initially, coming from my western mind frame I was a little hesitant to participate due to the cheesy factor, I found this experience of directly telling others how I feel about them and also hearing how others feel about me, to be so enriching. In the U.S. we rarely take the time out to tell others how we feel and what strengths we believe each person has. It was so meaningful to just put time on hold for a few hours and sit with my friends to honor our relationships with each other before we had to say goodbye.

In my final day, I successfully completed my final report, packed up my last minute items and said my final goodbyes. As I was leaving, a group of new students were just beginning their internships at Chaitanya. They began asking me questions about my experience as well as simple things like where the good local stores are and where they can buy this or that. As I spoke with them I was reminded of my first days in India, wide eyed and everything seeming so new and exciting. Although, in some ways I longed for that feeling and wished I was back in that place again, I drove away from my village in India with a great sense of accomplishment, enrichment, and gratitude; I would not change even one single moment of my experience for the world.