This weekend I went to Pune, the major city closest to the village I am in, and had a great time. I spent Saturday with my friends and we shopped around in a modern mall, went to lunch and did things I would do in the states which was a nice break from the village. I road ricksh
aws and motorbikes (mom don’t freak out) for the first time which turned out to be a great way to see the city which is so beautiful with lots of amazing trees that I have never seen anywhere else. While I was there I stayed with some family friends (Kiyan’s niece, nephew and their children) who were so kind and gracious and I had a wonderful time with them. It was so comforting and nice to feel I have a home away from home and the food was amazing. I honestly was so stuffed after I left that I could not eat for a full day.
Pune also shocked me a bit because of the dire poverty I saw there that I had been pretty unexposed to thus far in India. I had heard that Pune was the ‘Oxford’ of India so the poverty was a little unexpected. One of the most disturbing images that I cannot get out of my mind is I saw an old man on the street literally starving from hunger-he had no clothes on so I could see his ribs and bones protruding through his skin (sorry to be so graphic). The train stations are filled with people just camping out and living the
re. Seeing this I feel that although there is a lot of poverty in the villages and peoples’ living conditions are dilapidated and desperate, it is VERY different from the poverty in Pune and Mumbai. In the village you rarely see beggars and even given the poverty, there is a sense of community that you can feel. In Pune riding in a rickshaw at every stop a child on the street tries to sell you something.
Overall, I am still really enjoying my time here but I think the excitement of it all has calmed down a bit and the reality has started to settle in. Although there are so many joys I get everyd
ay even from little small things such as seeing women carrying bricks on their head while working construction (yes women) and vendors selling exotic fresh fruit and vegetables on my walk to work, there are many daily things that are really hard and draining. You’re always dirty; even after you take a bath the second you walk outside your feet get muddy again. People honk constantly here and for no reason. We often don’t have electricity for several hours or days in a row and have no idea when it will return. In addition, the cultural differences are vast and I am constantly doing something “obscene” or not acceptable and I don’t even know it. For example, there is only certain jewelry and clothing you can wear here when you are married and others when you are unmarried. Yesterday the little drawstring from my pants was hanging a tiny bit below my shirt and someone told me it is really ‘obscene.’ At night I was cutting my nails and I was told it is ‘auspicious’ to cut your nails at night. Also, prior to coming here I didn’t realize or anticipate how conservative the culture is, especially in a village. Things that are totally normal to us like going out and having a drink are really taboo here particularly in Rajgurunagar whereas other things that we would never do, like throwing garbage out of the office window, is totally acceptable. Another huge difference is that personal space is not really respected here and people will pick up your stuff, read over your shoulder, come into your room when you are sleeping etc. Coming from the US where privacy is such a huge priority this kind of jolts you in a way. In addition, you can never really get a straight answer. People say they understand and know what you are talking about when they really don’t. For example when I was in Pune this weekend I had to go buy a camera (which was a whole fiasco in and of itself) and I got in three different rickshaws, asked them to take me to a particular place, I even wrote it down and showed it to them, and they each took me somewhere different. I was so frustrated by the end and it felt so vulnerable not have any control over where I was going and what was going to happen.
As I mentioned before, since being here, I have made many wonderful friends who have really taken me in and who I absolutely love. Last night one of my good friends invited us over since she moved into a new place (here is is customary when something new or good happens to give everyone a 'treat') and myself and 7 of my co-workers (all Indian) went there to have samosas and desserts (PS the bakeries are yummy here). After we ate the power went out (as it often does) so we lit candles and all sat in a circle on the floor and they sang Hindi Bollywood songs (well they san
g, I listened). I even sang a song for them in Persian. It was so fun and nice; It made me feel like I have made some genuine friendships and am in a good place here yet at the same time there is still a disconnect because although I am included I still feel totally out of my element. I think the best way I can think of to describe it is being invisible yet completely exposed simultaneously. Like I will be sitting somewhere and people will be talking for hours and not even say a word to me yet they will stare and talk about me or I’ll have this strange feeling that I am on display (this is not at all in a bad way, people are just very curious about you but after a while it can feel like too much).
In light of these mixed experiences, I want to share two anecdotal stories that help reveal that with all the hard times, at the core of these experiences are these gems that I know I will always cherish about my journey:
THE BUS
On my way back home from Pune on Sunday, I had to take a bus which was complete chaos. The bus station was crazy and I was alone and could not figure out what bus to take; every person I talked to told me something different. There were no real answers, nothing written, and no bus schedules or numbers. At one point I just wanted to sit in the middle of the bus station and cry. All I wanted was to get back to my safe little village but I was unsure of how or even if this would happen. Right at that moment several people who spoke English came to my rescue and after about 20 minutes of running around, helped me get on the right bus. They were so kind and helpful and even gave me their phone numbers to call if I got lost or had trouble. That’s the thing I have realized about India, no matter how crazy and insane it is, you can always find someone who is genuinely willing to help you without even having to ask. Once I got on the bus, since I was the only foreigner and I was stressed, tired, alone and concerned about whether I would know my stop and also had several shopping bags with me, I had my guard up. This old woman sat next to me and kept staring at me and my stuff. Then she would turn to the people she was with and talk about me. I was so annoyed and just wanted to melt into the background. As the conductor came down the aisle I paid for my ticket and he did not have change but said he will bring my change back for me (less then 50 cents). 20 minutes later, the woman I was sitting next to turned to me and said something in Marathi. I only caught the word rupees and I assumed she was asking me for money. I just said no and turned around. Then she tracked down the conductor and started arguing with him. I was so confused and soon enough realized she was telling him that he owes me 20 rupees. Honestly, I was so preoccupied with getting home that I did not even remember. She handed me the money and then nudged me gently and said in Marathi “this is your stop.” Afterwards, I felt so bad that I had made these assumptions when all this woman wanted to do was help me. It taught me that even in the worse most stressful situations it is when you feel the most vulnerable that you are also the most touched by peoples' concern and kindness.
SHALWAR KAMEEZ
Yesterday I went to this little fabric store with one of my co-workers (so she could help me bargain) to buy a few more outfits (Shalwar Kameez). The storekeepers invited us in and I sat down among an array of beautiful bright fabrics with about 6 girls/woman from the shop all around me (see the picture I posted above). I picked some fabrics and one of the girls from the store accompanied me to the tailor to get the outfits stitched (which by the way costs $2 to have a top and pants stitched, tailored perfectly to your body). On our walk the young girl asked me many questions (translated by my co-worker) and insisted on having me over to her home for Maharashtran delicacies and to show me all around the villag
e. Then she called her sister and mom to come meet us and they all insisted that we come to their home. I turned to my co-worker and in English asked “is this safe to just go to a stranger’s house?” And she replied that the culture here is all about opening your home to people, particularly guests and this is the only real way I will see the people. We accepted her invitation and once again, this showed me that although there is so much that is challenging about life here on a daily basis, people really value closeness and the importance of relationships-this quality in people is so palpable.
aws and motorbikes (mom don’t freak out) for the first time which turned out to be a great way to see the city which is so beautiful with lots of amazing trees that I have never seen anywhere else. While I was there I stayed with some family friends (Kiyan’s niece, nephew and their children) who were so kind and gracious and I had a wonderful time with them. It was so comforting and nice to feel I have a home away from home and the food was amazing. I honestly was so stuffed after I left that I could not eat for a full day.Pune also shocked me a bit because of the dire poverty I saw there that I had been pretty unexposed to thus far in India. I had heard that Pune was the ‘Oxford’ of India so the poverty was a little unexpected. One of the most disturbing images that I cannot get out of my mind is I saw an old man on the street literally starving from hunger-he had no clothes on so I could see his ribs and bones protruding through his skin (sorry to be so graphic). The train stations are filled with people just camping out and living the
re. Seeing this I feel that although there is a lot of poverty in the villages and peoples’ living conditions are dilapidated and desperate, it is VERY different from the poverty in Pune and Mumbai. In the village you rarely see beggars and even given the poverty, there is a sense of community that you can feel. In Pune riding in a rickshaw at every stop a child on the street tries to sell you something. Overall, I am still really enjoying my time here but I think the excitement of it all has calmed down a bit and the reality has started to settle in. Although there are so many joys I get everyd
ay even from little small things such as seeing women carrying bricks on their head while working construction (yes women) and vendors selling exotic fresh fruit and vegetables on my walk to work, there are many daily things that are really hard and draining. You’re always dirty; even after you take a bath the second you walk outside your feet get muddy again. People honk constantly here and for no reason. We often don’t have electricity for several hours or days in a row and have no idea when it will return. In addition, the cultural differences are vast and I am constantly doing something “obscene” or not acceptable and I don’t even know it. For example, there is only certain jewelry and clothing you can wear here when you are married and others when you are unmarried. Yesterday the little drawstring from my pants was hanging a tiny bit below my shirt and someone told me it is really ‘obscene.’ At night I was cutting my nails and I was told it is ‘auspicious’ to cut your nails at night. Also, prior to coming here I didn’t realize or anticipate how conservative the culture is, especially in a village. Things that are totally normal to us like going out and having a drink are really taboo here particularly in Rajgurunagar whereas other things that we would never do, like throwing garbage out of the office window, is totally acceptable. Another huge difference is that personal space is not really respected here and people will pick up your stuff, read over your shoulder, come into your room when you are sleeping etc. Coming from the US where privacy is such a huge priority this kind of jolts you in a way. In addition, you can never really get a straight answer. People say they understand and know what you are talking about when they really don’t. For example when I was in Pune this weekend I had to go buy a camera (which was a whole fiasco in and of itself) and I got in three different rickshaws, asked them to take me to a particular place, I even wrote it down and showed it to them, and they each took me somewhere different. I was so frustrated by the end and it felt so vulnerable not have any control over where I was going and what was going to happen. As I mentioned before, since being here, I have made many wonderful friends who have really taken me in and who I absolutely love. Last night one of my good friends invited us over since she moved into a new place (here is is customary when something new or good happens to give everyone a 'treat') and myself and 7 of my co-workers (all Indian) went there to have samosas and desserts (PS the bakeries are yummy here). After we ate the power went out (as it often does) so we lit candles and all sat in a circle on the floor and they sang Hindi Bollywood songs (well they san
g, I listened). I even sang a song for them in Persian. It was so fun and nice; It made me feel like I have made some genuine friendships and am in a good place here yet at the same time there is still a disconnect because although I am included I still feel totally out of my element. I think the best way I can think of to describe it is being invisible yet completely exposed simultaneously. Like I will be sitting somewhere and people will be talking for hours and not even say a word to me yet they will stare and talk about me or I’ll have this strange feeling that I am on display (this is not at all in a bad way, people are just very curious about you but after a while it can feel like too much). In light of these mixed experiences, I want to share two anecdotal stories that help reveal that with all the hard times, at the core of these experiences are these gems that I know I will always cherish about my journey:
THE BUS
On my way back home from Pune on Sunday, I had to take a bus which was complete chaos. The bus station was crazy and I was alone and could not figure out what bus to take; every person I talked to told me something different. There were no real answers, nothing written, and no bus schedules or numbers. At one point I just wanted to sit in the middle of the bus station and cry. All I wanted was to get back to my safe little village but I was unsure of how or even if this would happen. Right at that moment several people who spoke English came to my rescue and after about 20 minutes of running around, helped me get on the right bus. They were so kind and helpful and even gave me their phone numbers to call if I got lost or had trouble. That’s the thing I have realized about India, no matter how crazy and insane it is, you can always find someone who is genuinely willing to help you without even having to ask. Once I got on the bus, since I was the only foreigner and I was stressed, tired, alone and concerned about whether I would know my stop and also had several shopping bags with me, I had my guard up. This old woman sat next to me and kept staring at me and my stuff. Then she would turn to the people she was with and talk about me. I was so annoyed and just wanted to melt into the background. As the conductor came down the aisle I paid for my ticket and he did not have change but said he will bring my change back for me (less then 50 cents). 20 minutes later, the woman I was sitting next to turned to me and said something in Marathi. I only caught the word rupees and I assumed she was asking me for money. I just said no and turned around. Then she tracked down the conductor and started arguing with him. I was so confused and soon enough realized she was telling him that he owes me 20 rupees. Honestly, I was so preoccupied with getting home that I did not even remember. She handed me the money and then nudged me gently and said in Marathi “this is your stop.” Afterwards, I felt so bad that I had made these assumptions when all this woman wanted to do was help me. It taught me that even in the worse most stressful situations it is when you feel the most vulnerable that you are also the most touched by peoples' concern and kindness.
SHALWAR KAMEEZ
Yesterday I went to this little fabric store with one of my co-workers (so she could help me bargain) to buy a few more outfits (Shalwar Kameez). The storekeepers invited us in and I sat down among an array of beautiful bright fabrics with about 6 girls/woman from the shop all around me (see the picture I posted above). I picked some fabrics and one of the girls from the store accompanied me to the tailor to get the outfits stitched (which by the way costs $2 to have a top and pants stitched, tailored perfectly to your body). On our walk the young girl asked me many questions (translated by my co-worker) and insisted on having me over to her home for Maharashtran delicacies and to show me all around the villag
e. Then she called her sister and mom to come meet us and they all insisted that we come to their home. I turned to my co-worker and in English asked “is this safe to just go to a stranger’s house?” And she replied that the culture here is all about opening your home to people, particularly guests and this is the only real way I will see the people. We accepted her invitation and once again, this showed me that although there is so much that is challenging about life here on a daily basis, people really value closeness and the importance of relationships-this quality in people is so palpable. Before I came here someone told me that India totally opens you up to yourself in way that you can never imagine.... I had no idea what this meant until now!
5 comments:
Roxy Joon, This is so great. I really envy you. I love to read your bloggs and I really don't want it to be finished. Haleh is right is just reading a book and don't want to put it down. I know it is hard for you to write all your emotions but it is great. I really love it
Roxy Joon, just to let you know I've been reading all your blogs and absolutely love it. It takes me to a place I was years ago and has refreshed my memories. Thank you for all the details, and emotions. Each day I look forward to new blogs and love looking at your pics. Ali says hi. Keep writing and we love reading!
Much love,
Parisa
Oh girl, I cannot stop the tears... It is because of so many different reasons, I get emotional after reading your blog. First and foremost I think its because I miss you so... Second, your experiences are so overwhelming yet beautiful! And most important,and lastly, I realize more and more each time, what a fabulous writter you are... Unbelievable. PLEASE write more for us when you can. I'm working on a publisher.Social work can be your HOBBY. You shall soon be my VERY FAMOUS COUSIN WRITTER! Miss you sooooo... XXOX Will call you.
p.s tell me please about the different color dots on the womens forehead and what the different colors represent or mean!
Wow Rox!! These are amazing stories. You have really had some eye opening experiences. I'm happy you have made some good friends. Miss you!
I just spent the morning reading your posts from beginning to end...catching up on all of your experiences (just got back to seattle from a whirlwind two-week vacation). what a gift you are giving all of us, your words are crafting imagery in my head...i can practically taste, see, hear, and feel all of the rich colors, textures and smells you so eloquently describe. I cannot thank you enough for sharing so much with us!
I miss you, and I am so PROUD of you. You are amazing, and I can tell from your posts that you are learning so much...about the world, and about yourself.
so much love,
moque
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